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  • Suggest You - Rhode Island Divorce Mediation: What Is It, Really?

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    ly and be able to move on with your lives after this, right?

    You: Yes I did, but. . . [trailing off]

    Counselor [To You]: You didn't expect that you were going to support your spouse for 12 years and then just get a divorce and the family court would just let you walk away did you?

    I mean . . . this is 12 years you've been doing this for your spouse. Doesn't it make sense that the Rhode Island family court is likely to tell you that you'll need to provide some financial support to your spouse for a bit longer so there is time to recover financially?

    You: Well I didn't think I'd have to pay . . .

    Counselor: But it makes sense, doesn't it? You supported your spouse for 12 years or more and you are the one that makes most of the money. Your spouse needs a little bit of time, probably a couple of years, to adjust to this huge change, get new job skills, work up to a full-time job and perhaps develop skills for another job.

    You: Yeah but. . . [thinking]

    Counselor: So you need to be prepared to help out for some period of time, it's only fair isn't it?

    You: I suppose so.

    Counselor: Now you've built up a pretty sizeable retirement account, do I have that down right?

    You: Yes . . . I think it was about

    Get Paid For What You Know!
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    Rhode Island Divorce mediation is not a new concept. It may or may not be of benefit to you in your spouse in resolving your divorce issues.

    Divorce mediation typically involves you and your spouse agreeing that you will sit down with a third party as a mediator in an effort to reach an agreement that is acceptable to both spouses for the resolution of the divorce . . . or perhaps better referred to as the settlement of the marriage.

    It remains controversial as to whether the mediator must be an attorney or whether another third-party good at negotiating solutions to family issues is sufficient. From the perspective of a Rhode Island lawyer who focuses his legal practice in the areas of Rhode Island divorce and family law I can see the pros and cons of using either. . . . and they are significant.

    Consider this one example:

    You and your spouse either know or agree that you will get divorced. Your spouse suggests that you can reach an amicable resolution by sitting down with a Rhode Island marriage and family counselor who has had success in helping couples find common ground deciding what to do to finalize their divorce.

    You and your spouse go to this Rhode Island marriage and family counselor. A portion of the mediation session goes like this.

    Counselor: [To Both of You] Now, I know this divorce isn't going to be easy for either of you but you both need to be able to survive and move forward with your lives after this is over, wouldn't you agree.

    Parties: [Both nodding]

    Counselor [to You] : Okay. Now I understand that you've been the main earner in the household, is that right?

    You: Yes, that's correct.

    Counselor [to Your Spouse]: And you work part-time to help out with the expenses when needed but you mainly use the money you make for your own personal spending money, is that right?

    Your Spouse: Yes, that's about right.

    Counselor [to You]: Now you have a college degree, is that right?

    You: Yes

    Your Spouse: And I have my high school diploma.

    Counselor: And how long have you two been married?

    Your Spouse: We've been together for 15 years and married for almost 12 years of that time.

    Counselor: And during that time, who has been making what portion of the income for the most part?

    You: I've made about 80 to 85% of our income.

    Your Spouse: And I've made the remaining part. I think that is a pretty good estimate.

    Counselor: Now in my experience only uncivilized and vindictive people go through a divorce and try to hurt their spouse. I don't think either of you fall into that group because you're here meeting with me today, is that fair to say.

    Both You and Your Spouse: Yes.

    Counselor [To You]: Okay . . . now you understand that your spouse is going to have a much harder time financially to make a go of it without your income, right?

    You: Well, yes.

    Counselor [To You]: And it's no secret that your spouse has been relying on you financially for the past 12 years to survive, right?

    You: I guess so.

    Counselor: Well, here you are getting ready to go through your divorce here in Rhode Island and it's important that we agree regarding the things we're discussing here today so it's important that we are sure about thing that we agree on so it's better if we don't guess. Has your spouse been providing mostly for her own support for the past 12 years?

    You: No.

    Counselor: Has your spouse been relying upon someone else other than herself for her financial needs?

    You: Yes.

    Counselor: Okay, can you give me that person's name and address.

    You: Well, that person is me!

    Counselor: Oh... there isn't anyone else?

    You: Not that I know of.

    Counselor [To Your Spouse]: Well, is there anyone else that you've been relying on for your financial needs?

    Your Spouse: No.

    Counselor [To You]: So is it fair to say that your spouse has been relying on you these past 12 years?

    You: Yes.

    Counselor [To Both of You]: Now you both realize that your divorce is going to change that, right?

    You and Your Spouse: Yes we do.

    Counselor [To Both of You]: And you both realize that your spouse is going to need to survive financially after this divorce, don't you.

    You and Your Spouse: That makes sense.

    Counselor [To Your Spouse]: Now you probably figured out already that you're probably going to have to work on a full-time basis and take care of yourself after this divorce is done. Have you considered that?

    Your Spouse: Yes.

    Counselor [To You]: And you've probably figured out that you're probably going to have to help your spouse financially for a time, right?

    You: What?!?

    Counselor [To You]: Well, your spouse has been relying on you for 12 years. We just talked about that a minute ago, correct?

    You: Yeah. What's your point?

    Counselor [To You]: And you agreed that you both need to be able to survive financially and be able to move on with your lives after this, right?

    You: Yes I did, but. . . [trailing off]

    Counselor [To You]: You didn't expect that you were going to support your spouse for 12 years and then just get a divorce and the family court would just let you walk away did you?

    I mean . . . this is 12 years you've been doing this for your spouse. Doesn't it make sense that the Rhode Island family court is likely to tell you that you'll need to provide some financial support to your spouse for a bit longer so there is time to recover financially?

    You: Well I didn't think I'd have to pay . . .

    Counselor: But it makes sense, doesn't it? You supported your spouse for 12 years or more and you are the one that makes most of the money. Your spouse needs a little bit of time, probably a couple of years, to adjust to this huge change, get new job skills, work up to a full-time job and perhaps develop skills for another job.

    You: Yeah but. . . [thinking]

    Counselor: So you need to be prepared to help out for some period of time, it's only fair isn't it?

    You: I suppose so.

    Counselor: Now you've built up a pretty sizeable retirement account, do I have that down right?

    You: Yes . . . I think it was about

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    If your monthly debt payments to credit cards and banks and retail outlets, exceed 20% of your income, your debts are what might be termed ‘out of control’. If that’s you, it’s time you took serious steps in a smart direction.The first step you need to take in your self examination is to write down what you owe, to whom, and how much they take off you each month. This is important, because so often we don’t even count what we’re paying out, and we wonder why we’re always broke.Once you’ve done that, identify the debts that are costing you the most. For example, are you paying more interest on one credit card than another? Is that retail charge account charging you a minimum of $50 per month, even though your interest is far less?Don’t worry about totals – just look at percentages. That 23.5% interest rate on your Mastercard needs to be the first thing you lose. The 19% on the Visa, that’s your next bet. Order them according to how much they’re ripping you off, and look your list over.The first items on the list – the bigger interest rates items – you need to lose those and lose them now.Perhaps you can sell some things you have lying around, and put the proceeds directly to the first thing on the list. Maybe you can borrow from a relative, and pay them bank interest rates, while using the money to pay off your credit card. Maybe you can even get a second job for the summer, and use that money to pay off the second or third item on your list down.Another option is a very simple, yet often overlooked option – call your creditors and let them know they’re killing you.In short, if you call your credit card company and let them know you’re unhappy with your interest rate, they may well reduce it for you, or even give you a few months of interest free time to help pay down what you owe (it doesn’t happen often, but it does happen). Alternately, calling one credit card company you have an account with and asking if they
    Now, I know this divorce isn't going to be easy for either of you but you both need to be able to survive and move forward with your lives after this is over, wouldn't you agree.

    Parties: [Both nodding]

    Counselor [to You] : Okay. Now I understand that you've been the main earner in the household, is that right?

    You: Yes, that's correct.

    Counselor [to Your Spouse]: And you work part-time to help out with the expenses when needed but you mainly use the money you make for your own personal spending money, is that right?

    Your Spouse: Yes, that's about right.

    Counselor [to You]: Now you have a college degree, is that right?

    You: Yes

    Your Spouse: And I have my high school diploma.

    Counselor: And how long have you two been married?

    Your Spouse: We've been together for 15 years and married for almost 12 years of that time.

    Counselor: And during that time, who has been making what portion of the income for the most part?

    You: I've made about 80 to 85% of our income.

    Your Spouse: And I've made the remaining part. I think that is a pretty good estimate.

    Counselor: Now in my experience only uncivilized and vindictive people go through a divorce and try to hurt their spouse. I don't think either of you fall into that group because you're here meeting with me today, is that fair to say.

    Both You and Your Spouse: Yes.

    Counselor [To You]: Okay . . . now you understand that your spouse is going to have a much harder time financially to make a go of it without your income, right?

    You: Well, yes.

    Counselor [To You]: And it's no secret that your spouse has been relying on you financially for the past 12 years to survive, right?

    You: I guess so.

    Counselor: Well, here you are getting ready to go through your divorce here in Rhode Island and it's important that we agree regarding the things we're discussing here today so it's important that we are sure about thing that we agree on so it's better if we don't guess. Has your spouse been providing mostly for her own support for the past 12 years?

    You: No.

    Counselor: Has your spouse been relying upon someone else other than herself for her financial needs?

    You: Yes.

    Counselor: Okay, can you give me that person's name and address.

    You: Well, that person is me!

    Counselor: Oh... there isn't anyone else?

    You: Not that I know of.

    Counselor [To Your Spouse]: Well, is there anyone else that you've been relying on for your financial needs?

    Your Spouse: No.

    Counselor [To You]: So is it fair to say that your spouse has been relying on you these past 12 years?

    You: Yes.

    Counselor [To Both of You]: Now you both realize that your divorce is going to change that, right?

    You and Your Spouse: Yes we do.

    Counselor [To Both of You]: And you both realize that your spouse is going to need to survive financially after this divorce, don't you.

    You and Your Spouse: That makes sense.

    Counselor [To Your Spouse]: Now you probably figured out already that you're probably going to have to work on a full-time basis and take care of yourself after this divorce is done. Have you considered that?

    Your Spouse: Yes.

    Counselor [To You]: And you've probably figured out that you're probably going to have to help your spouse financially for a time, right?

    You: What?!?

    Counselor [To You]: Well, your spouse has been relying on you for 12 years. We just talked about that a minute ago, correct?

    You: Yeah. What's your point?

    Counselor [To You]: And you agreed that you both need to be able to survive financially and be able to move on with your lives after this, right?

    You: Yes I did, but. . . [trailing off]

    Counselor [To You]: You didn't expect that you were going to support your spouse for 12 years and then just get a divorce and the family court would just let you walk away did you?

    I mean . . . this is 12 years you've been doing this for your spouse. Doesn't it make sense that the Rhode Island family court is likely to tell you that you'll need to provide some financial support to your spouse for a bit longer so there is time to recover financially?

    You: Well I didn't think I'd have to pay . . .

    Counselor: But it makes sense, doesn't it? You supported your spouse for 12 years or more and you are the one that makes most of the money. Your spouse needs a little bit of time, probably a couple of years, to adjust to this huge change, get new job skills, work up to a full-time job and perhaps develop skills for another job.

    You: Yeah but. . . [thinking]

    Counselor: So you need to be prepared to help out for some period of time, it's only fair isn't it?

    You: I suppose so.

    Counselor: Now you've built up a pretty sizeable retirement account, do I have that down right?

    You: Yes . . . I think it was about

    Why You Should Care About Taxes In September
    Taxes, taxes, taxes – who cares about taxes in September? The end of the year isn’t for another three months and I don’t have to file till April 2006. Who is even thinking of these things now? Well, you should be.Avoid Grief – Plan NowIs this you? Every year in April, are you surprised by how much you owe? Do you rush around the last week of December trying to manufacture tax deductions to offset revenues or income? You can avoid either of these problems by caring about your taxes in September. Yes, now.One of the best ways to reduce your taxes is to plan ahead. As I write this article, there are roughly three months left till the end of the 2005 fiscal year. Now is the time to sit down with a proactive tax professional, review your finances and develop a plan for manipulating them to reduce your 2005 taxes.More Money BluesIn a wicked twist of life, making more money can cause surprising tax problems. This need not be if you plan ahead.If you are a salaried employee, have you received a raise or extra benefits during 2005 that will push you into a higher tax bracket? There is nothing more frustrating than getting a raise and having a higher tax bracket actually leave you with less disposable income. If you fall into this category, you may want to stuff money into a 401k or other pre-tax vehicle to lower your reported earnings.If you’re a small business owner, have your revenues increased when compared to 2004? Increase revenues are obviously desirable, but can lead to frightening tax amounts and cash flow problems. If revenues are increasing, you must have a plan in place to offset them for tax purposes. Failure to take this step can lead to horrific self-employment taxes for LLCs, sole proprietorships and S-corporations given the 15.2% tax rate. Businesses using C-corporations will face even worse consequences.Saving Your HideA proactive tax professional is a good tax professional. A proactive tax
    and try to hurt their spouse. I don't think either of you fall into that group because you're here meeting with me today, is that fair to say.

    Both You and Your Spouse: Yes.

    Counselor [To You]: Okay . . . now you understand that your spouse is going to have a much harder time financially to make a go of it without your income, right?

    You: Well, yes.

    Counselor [To You]: And it's no secret that your spouse has been relying on you financially for the past 12 years to survive, right?

    You: I guess so.

    Counselor: Well, here you are getting ready to go through your divorce here in Rhode Island and it's important that we agree regarding the things we're discussing here today so it's important that we are sure about thing that we agree on so it's better if we don't guess. Has your spouse been providing mostly for her own support for the past 12 years?

    You: No.

    Counselor: Has your spouse been relying upon someone else other than herself for her financial needs?

    You: Yes.

    Counselor: Okay, can you give me that person's name and address.

    You: Well, that person is me!

    Counselor: Oh... there isn't anyone else?

    You: Not that I know of.

    Counselor [To Your Spouse]: Well, is there anyone else that you've been relying on for your financial needs?

    Your Spouse: No.

    Counselor [To You]: So is it fair to say that your spouse has been relying on you these past 12 years?

    You: Yes.

    Counselor [To Both of You]: Now you both realize that your divorce is going to change that, right?

    You and Your Spouse: Yes we do.

    Counselor [To Both of You]: And you both realize that your spouse is going to need to survive financially after this divorce, don't you.

    You and Your Spouse: That makes sense.

    Counselor [To Your Spouse]: Now you probably figured out already that you're probably going to have to work on a full-time basis and take care of yourself after this divorce is done. Have you considered that?

    Your Spouse: Yes.

    Counselor [To You]: And you've probably figured out that you're probably going to have to help your spouse financially for a time, right?

    You: What?!?

    Counselor [To You]: Well, your spouse has been relying on you for 12 years. We just talked about that a minute ago, correct?

    You: Yeah. What's your point?

    Counselor [To You]: And you agreed that you both need to be able to survive financially and be able to move on with your lives after this, right?

    You: Yes I did, but. . . [trailing off]

    Counselor [To You]: You didn't expect that you were going to support your spouse for 12 years and then just get a divorce and the family court would just let you walk away did you?

    I mean . . . this is 12 years you've been doing this for your spouse. Doesn't it make sense that the Rhode Island family court is likely to tell you that you'll need to provide some financial support to your spouse for a bit longer so there is time to recover financially?

    You: Well I didn't think I'd have to pay . . .

    Counselor: But it makes sense, doesn't it? You supported your spouse for 12 years or more and you are the one that makes most of the money. Your spouse needs a little bit of time, probably a couple of years, to adjust to this huge change, get new job skills, work up to a full-time job and perhaps develop skills for another job.

    You: Yeah but. . . [thinking]

    Counselor: So you need to be prepared to help out for some period of time, it's only fair isn't it?

    You: I suppose so.

    Counselor: Now you've built up a pretty sizeable retirement account, do I have that down right?

    You: Yes . . . I think it was about

    Let's Get One Thing Straight About Being A Published Author
    Just for fun, evaluate the following statement:"Most people want to write a book and get it published, but that's simply impossible 99% of the time."Is the above statement true?Not exactly. What's true is that most people THINK they can't write a book and get it published. And while that's a widely-held belief, just the opposite is true.In fact, it's easier to write and get published today than ever before - especially thanks to the ebook "revolution." The field of ebooks is literally wide open for all who are interested - including, perhaps, you!What does it take to write and publish your own ebook?Three things:1) A TOPIC you are interested in that others would also like to know more about.2) The DESIRE to get the ebook written (note - you can write it yourself, but you don't have to. There are other proven and simple ways to get your ebook written and published for you.)3) A simple, one-page, "sales letter" WEB SITE to sell the ebook.Does it take a lot of money or any special aptitudes? Oddly enough, not really. You have to be willing to take action, certainly, and learn as you go, but there are no special educational, financial or talent requirements to become a successful ebook author.The truth is, it costs very little to get started. You can get a domain registered and online for as little as $9 to start and $6 a month for website hosting.In fact, there are actually six ways you can create an ebook without ever writing a word of it - so you don't need to be a skilled writer. We'll tell you about one of them, in-depth, right now.Think of a topic you know something about that you'd like to write an ebook on.Once you have that topic in mind, then all you need to do is write a list of questions other people would pay to get the answers to... give that list to a friend... have the friend call you on the phone and ask you those questions... record the call..
    Spouse]: Well, is there anyone else that you've been relying on for your financial needs?

    Your Spouse: No.

    Counselor [To You]: So is it fair to say that your spouse has been relying on you these past 12 years?

    You: Yes.

    Counselor [To Both of You]: Now you both realize that your divorce is going to change that, right?

    You and Your Spouse: Yes we do.

    Counselor [To Both of You]: And you both realize that your spouse is going to need to survive financially after this divorce, don't you.

    You and Your Spouse: That makes sense.

    Counselor [To Your Spouse]: Now you probably figured out already that you're probably going to have to work on a full-time basis and take care of yourself after this divorce is done. Have you considered that?

    Your Spouse: Yes.

    Counselor [To You]: And you've probably figured out that you're probably going to have to help your spouse financially for a time, right?

    You: What?!?

    Counselor [To You]: Well, your spouse has been relying on you for 12 years. We just talked about that a minute ago, correct?

    You: Yeah. What's your point?

    Counselor [To You]: And you agreed that you both need to be able to survive financially and be able to move on with your lives after this, right?

    You: Yes I did, but. . . [trailing off]

    Counselor [To You]: You didn't expect that you were going to support your spouse for 12 years and then just get a divorce and the family court would just let you walk away did you?

    I mean . . . this is 12 years you've been doing this for your spouse. Doesn't it make sense that the Rhode Island family court is likely to tell you that you'll need to provide some financial support to your spouse for a bit longer so there is time to recover financially?

    You: Well I didn't think I'd have to pay . . .

    Counselor: But it makes sense, doesn't it? You supported your spouse for 12 years or more and you are the one that makes most of the money. Your spouse needs a little bit of time, probably a couple of years, to adjust to this huge change, get new job skills, work up to a full-time job and perhaps develop skills for another job.

    You: Yeah but. . . [thinking]

    Counselor: So you need to be prepared to help out for some period of time, it's only fair isn't it?

    You: I suppose so.

    Counselor: Now you've built up a pretty sizeable retirement account, do I have that down right?

    You: Yes . . . I think it was about

    Background Checking Your Employees!
    Why do employers want to check your background? It could be for one of several reasons. If government security clearances are required for the job you are interviewing for, an employment background check may be required. The employer may want to make sure you are telling the truth. It's estimated that up to 40% of resumes can contain false or tweaked information, so, employers want to insure that what they are getting in an employee is what they were promised. The employer may perform a background check to find out whether actually graduated from the college you said you did or to confirm that you worked at your previous employer(s) during the time stated on your resume or your job application.Today, numerous companies conduct background checks, including several firms that offer their services over the Web. And while it’s important to find a company that’s competent at verifying credentials, it’s also crucial to check for the right things. "The level of deception that exists is frightening. A lot of people think nothing of misrepresenting their qualifications and lying about past events," says Lou Adler, president of Power Hiring. In the past, courts have consistently ruled that employers are liable for the actions of their workers while on the job -- a fact that makes screening even more imperative.Depending on the particular position, it might be necessary to check applicants’ driving records, criminal history, educational achievements, and references, and to verify whether they actually worked where they say they did. Foreign workers must have an H-1B visa, and obtaining information from foreign institutions can prove difficult. Further complicating things is the easy availability of false documents over the Internet and, increasingly, outright identity theft. "An employment offer should be conditional on passing a background check," observes Jane Paradiso, recruiting solutions practice leader at Watson Wyatt Worldwide. "These days, the stakes
    ly and be able to move on with your lives after this, right?

    You: Yes I did, but. . . [trailing off]

    Counselor [To You]: You didn't expect that you were going to support your spouse for 12 years and then just get a divorce and the family court would just let you walk away did you?

    I mean . . . this is 12 years you've been doing this for your spouse. Doesn't it make sense that the Rhode Island family court is likely to tell you that you'll need to provide some financial support to your spouse for a bit longer so there is time to recover financially?

    You: Well I didn't think I'd have to pay . . .

    Counselor: But it makes sense, doesn't it? You supported your spouse for 12 years or more and you are the one that makes most of the money. Your spouse needs a little bit of time, probably a couple of years, to adjust to this huge change, get new job skills, work up to a full-time job and perhaps develop skills for another job.

    You: Yeah but. . . [thinking]

    Counselor: So you need to be prepared to help out for some period of time, it's only fair isn't it?

    You: I suppose so.

    Counselor: Now you've built up a pretty sizeable retirement account, do I have that down right?

    You: Yes . . . I think it was about $175,000.00 as of the last statement.

    Your Spouse: Let's keep in mind that there's some infidelity here.

    You: Well you drove me to it. If you weren't so cold and distant I wouldn't have had to find someone who cared and could give me what I needed.

    Counselor: Okay . . . let's remember that this isn't to try to resolve all of your personal issues, this divorces mediation session is for us to see what affect all of these things have had on you and how we can work out an agreement for your divorce. The idea is, what can we mutually agree upon so that we can help you move forward with each of your own separate lives after this is all over.

    Your Spouse: But that's what this divorce is all about?

    Counselor: I can completely understand that you feel that way, and if I didn't know better I'd probably agree with you, yet in the end this is all about a relationship that has broken down and can't be fixed. When that happens people go through a legal divorce proceeding. What we're here about today and what you both hired me to do is to try to see if we can reach some common ground to go your separate ways fairly.

    Your Spouse: Well, I want it all.

    You: All of it?

    Your Spouse: I think it's only fair since you cheated on me.

    You: Are you crazy?

    Your Spouse: You should have thought of that before finding another bed to sleep in.

    Counselor: [Interrupting the squabbling] Are we done?

    You and Your Spouse: Done? What are you talking about?

    Counselor: We're done, right? You two just want to hurt each other so we're done, right? I've earned my fee and you can go into court and just scream at each other.

    You and Your Spouse: No... [you] . No. [your spouse].

    Counselor: Then let's look at things here. Is this a fault divorce?

    Your Spouse: No it's not. My attorney says I should file based on irreconcilable differences. But I deserve something.

    Counselor [To Your Spouse]: Well perhaps that's true yet isn't ALL of it a bit much?

    Your Spouse: Not to me.

    Counselor [To Your Spouse]: Okay... you say that you were cheated on, right?

    Your Spouse: Yes I do.

    You: It's not true though!! [very defensively].

    Counselor: Okay, I'm not going to agree if it's true or not, but assuming it is true just for the sake of argument, how much did this affair... affect the value of the $175,000 retirement plan?

    Your Spouse: How much did it affect the retirement plan?

    Counselor: Yes.

    Your Spouse: It didn't.

    Counselor[To Your Spouse]: It didn't affect the retirement account at all?

    Your Spouse: No.

    Counselor [To Your Spouse]: Then why are you asking for all of it?

    Your Spouse: Because I deserve it!!

    Counselor [To Your Spouse]: Why?

    Your Spouse: Because of the affair?

    Counselor: So what you are saying is that if you were originally entitled to 1/2 of the retirement account that you are entitled to the other $87,500 because you were cheated on.

    Your Spouse: [Hesitating] Well. . . . yes that's what I'm saying.

    You: I did not cheat on you or have any affair!

    Counselor: [Interrupting again] . . . You're hurt. I understand that. And maybe that is worth something financially . . . yet it just doesn't seem quite reasonable to ask for the whole retirement account when you even say yourself that the affair didn't hurt the retirement account or your part of it. A judge might give you half or a little more but I don't think a judge would give you all of it.

    [Silence as Counselor thinks...]

    Counselor [To Your Spouse]: Assuming just for the sake of argument that there was an affair and no damage was done to the retirement account as you've already said, what do you think is reasonable to ask a judge for.

    Your Spouse: I don't know. I'm not a judge.

    Counselor: Well what does any affair have to do with all the hard work and deposits that are made into a retirement account if you were to get 1/2 of it right off the bat?

    Your Spouse: Well it doesn't have anything to do with it when you put it that way.

    Counselor [To Your Spouse]: Okay, well we've agreed that you will need some financial help for a bit of time to get on your feet. Keeping that in mind, how much of the retirement plan would you agree to take in order to resolve this issue and get on with your life?

    Your Spouse: 75 percent.

    You: You are kidding me. For an affair I didn't even have?!?

    Counselor [To You]: So that isn't acceptable to you, right?

    You: No! That's robbing me.

    Counselor [To Your Spouse]: Okay, is there a lesser amount that you might consider.

    Your Spouse: Sure. Give me the whole thing and I won't take anything from you to get by until I get on my feet.

    Counselor [To You]: What do you think of that?

    You: [Thinking]

    Your Spouse: Otherwise I'm going to go to court and ask for financia

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