with an encouraging message through the dating service's own message system. Internal messaging systems aren't the same as Internet email; the dating service stores and routes messages itself so that anyone who is not a registered user is unable to contact members directly unless they manage to obtain the member's email address.

Many dating services instruct their members to use their own message system for greater privacy. And they're right. The message system is a good way for members to get to know one another without running any of the risks that plague Internet users, such as spam, viruses, or hacker

Let's assume you have decided not to sit back and wait for men or women to make the first contact with you. You've done a search, and you've come up with some prospects. You're ready to let the person know that you're interested. You're wondering exactly what to say or do. You can break the process into steps:

1. You send the individual a wink, an instant message, or an email. If you send a message, focus on a fact of interest in the person's profile. Ask a question about that fact, or mention that you have the same interest or have had the same experience.

2. You move to the next level; you listen and engage the person in a regular dialog. Remember to build on anything positive or intriguing in the person's profile.

3. You exchange email or instant messages.

4. You start talking on the phone.

S. You arrange an in person meeting.

Online dating doesn't always work out in a step-by step way, of course, because these are human beings we are talking about. Think about the inverted pyramid system that journalists use when they are writing stories. You start out with a general statement and move to more specific comments.

Using Your Dating Site's Messaging System

Every dating website has a communication system that it wants its members to use rather than their own email account. There are plenty of good reasons for making the initial contact using the internal system. The primary ones are safety and privacy.

if you can avoid using your regular email address (the one you get from your Internet service provider), you'll reduce the chances that someone will be able to track down your real world address or send you unsolicited email.

Winking

For many people, the thought of flirting harkens back to dances in the high school gym where you try to be irresistible to the object of your affection and end up with a blank stare at best and a rude retort at worst. Thanks to online dating, you don't have to be good at flirting. When you are looking for people online, you can flirt without having to worry about clever remarks, puns, double entendres, winks, arm touches, or the like. You just send a quick flirtatious message. It's safe and non-threatening; if someone isn't interested, he or she just won't respond. You can send out a group of flirts and see who responds.

Messaging for Insiders

Once a wink has been sent, the recipient will typically respond with an encouraging message through the dating service's own message system. Internal messaging systems aren't the same as Internet email; the dating service stores and routes messages itself so that anyone who is not a registered user is unable to contact members directly unless they manage to obtain the member's email address.

Many dating services instruct their members to use their own message system for greater privacy. And they're right. The message system is a good way for members to get to know one another without running any of the risks that plague Internet users, such as spam, viruses, or hackers

and engage the person in a regular dialog. Remember to build on anything positive or intriguing in the person's profile.

3. You exchange email or instant messages.

4. You start talking on the phone.

S. You arrange an in person meeting.

Online dating doesn't always work out in a step-by step way, of course, because these are human beings we are talking about. Think about the inverted pyramid system that journalists use when they are writing stories. You start out with a general statement and move to more specific comments.

Using Your Dating Site's Messaging System

Every dating website has a communication system that it wants its members to use rather than their own email account. There are plenty of good reasons for making the initial contact using the internal system. The primary ones are safety and privacy.

if you can avoid using your regular email address (the one you get from your Internet service provider), you'll reduce the chances that someone will be able to track down your real world address or send you unsolicited email.

Winking

For many people, the thought of flirting harkens back to dances in the high school gym where you try to be irresistible to the object of your affection and end up with a blank stare at best and a rude retort at worst. Thanks to online dating, you don't have to be good at flirting. When you are looking for people online, you can flirt without having to worry about clever remarks, puns, double entendres, winks, arm touches, or the like. You just send a quick flirtatious message. It's safe and non-threatening; if someone isn't interested, he or she just won't respond. You can send out a group of flirts and see who responds.

Messaging for Insiders

Once a wink has been sent, the recipient will typically respond with an encouraging message through the dating service's own message system. Internal messaging systems aren't the same as Internet email; the dating service stores and routes messages itself so that anyone who is not a registered user is unable to contact members directly unless they manage to obtain the member's email address.

Many dating services instruct their members to use their own message system for greater privacy. And they're right. The message system is a good way for members to get to know one another without running any of the risks that plague Internet users, such as spam, viruses, or hacker

dating website has a communication system that it wants its members to use rather than their own email account. There are plenty of good reasons for making the initial contact using the internal system. The primary ones are safety and privacy.

if you can avoid using your regular email address (the one you get from your Internet service provider), you'll reduce the chances that someone will be able to track down your real world address or send you unsolicited email.

Winking

For many people, the thought of flirting harkens back to dances in the high school gym where you try to be irresistible to the object of your affection and end up with a blank stare at best and a rude retort at worst. Thanks to online dating, you don't have to be good at flirting. When you are looking for people online, you can flirt without having to worry about clever remarks, puns, double entendres, winks, arm touches, or the like. You just send a quick flirtatious message. It's safe and non-threatening; if someone isn't interested, he or she just won't respond. You can send out a group of flirts and see who responds.

Messaging for Insiders

Once a wink has been sent, the recipient will typically respond with an encouraging message through the dating service's own message system. Internal messaging systems aren't the same as Internet email; the dating service stores and routes messages itself so that anyone who is not a registered user is unable to contact members directly unless they manage to obtain the member's email address.

Many dating services instruct their members to use their own message system for greater privacy. And they're right. The message system is a good way for members to get to know one another without running any of the risks that plague Internet users, such as spam, viruses, or hacker

ble to the object of your affection and end up with a blank stare at best and a rude retort at worst. Thanks to online dating, you don't have to be good at flirting. When you are looking for people online, you can flirt without having to worry about clever remarks, puns, double entendres, winks, arm touches, or the like. You just send a quick flirtatious message. It's safe and non-threatening; if someone isn't interested, he or she just won't respond. You can send out a group of flirts and see who responds.

Messaging for Insiders

Once a wink has been sent, the recipient will typically respond with an encouraging message through the dating service's own message system. Internal messaging systems aren't the same as Internet email; the dating service stores and routes messages itself so that anyone who is not a registered user is unable to contact members directly unless they manage to obtain the member's email address.

Many dating services instruct their members to use their own message system for greater privacy. And they're right. The message system is a good way for members to get to know one another without running any of the risks that plague Internet users, such as spam, viruses, or hacker

with an encouraging message through the dating service's own message system. Internal messaging systems aren't the same as Internet email; the dating service stores and routes messages itself so that anyone who is not a registered user is unable to contact members directly unless they manage to obtain the member's email address.

Many dating services instruct their members to use their own message system for greater privacy. And they're right. The message system is a good way for members to get to know one another without running any of the risks that plague Internet users, such as spam, viruses, or hackers intercepting their correspondence. And an internal messaging system allows users to remain anonymous.

But because the dating service runs the message system, you don't have total privacy. The dating website itself can store and inspect your message if it wishes. By switching email, you give up some of the chance that you'll remain anonymous. But you gain more control and a sense of freedom. And you can pick up your email from you cell phone or PDA, if you have one that is able to do so. Stick with the message system for your initial communications until you are comfortable with emailing someone outside the service's system. Don't give out your address or other contact information, either.

Switching to Email

There's no rule about when to switch to your email address for communicating with someone rather than using the dating service's message system. You don't have to do email at all, if you are comfortable with the internal messaging. That's the deciding factor: the amount of comfort you have with the system and with the person with whom you are communicating. Switch to your own email software if you like it better than the dating website’s system.

The best thing is to have a writing style that is light and breezy while not revealing too much about yourself initially. That last sentence is difficult to achieve online. The temptation is get so excited by a positive response to start sharing all sorts of intimate details. Think about meeting someone for the first time while reaching for the same martini at a cocktail party. What would be the result if you immediately started spilling your guts about your last love affair or your most recent surgery? At best, you'd be off putting because you're coming on too strong too quickly. At worst, you could disclose information that could be used against you.

Instant Messaging/Text Messaging

You'll make a positive impression on a certain segment of the population (read: young and trendy) if you make your first approach by IM or your cell phone's text messaging system. If you are on the road and on the go, it can be really handy to contact potential dates this way.

But instant messaging works only if it's what you and your potential date want to begin with. Instant messaging and text messaging can be a big invasion of privacy, and you should message someone only after you've asked, and only after you have approached them by email first.