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Suggest You - Stress Management For Inner Peace-Mountains of Dirty Dishes vs. Neutral Loving Observation
Reaching Buyers With Effective e-Mail Communication > I continued to "hold" inwardly in my neutral safe observation mode. After a few minutes, my husband came upstairs, apologized for the mess and said he would clean it up.'Buyers do not respond' is a common refrain of many exporters using e-commerce portals. Some of them even go on to brand concerned buyer 'non-serious’ or even 'fake'. Little do they realize that the reason lies more with themselves than the other way round.There may be many reasons why an e-mail goes unanswered, such as server down, spam filter or recipient’s mailbox full - but mostly the reason lies in its format, content and style. Chances of an e-mail eliciting any kind of response is i Apology accepted, I didn't get involved in criticizing him and I didn't offer to help clean up. I simply suggested that it would be a good night for Chinese takeout. (It was easy to suggest this win-win solution because I was still calm and in a good mood.) He promptly offered to order it. By the time our din In other words, become a Neutral Loving Observer, a term I developed when doing my doctoral research on spiritual intention. When you observe neutrally, you are in a position to see many options. You can make wiser choices based on the big picture, rather than on the limited picture defined by your stress. When you observe with loving intention as well, you create a safe space for win-win solutions to emerge. My Neutral Loving Observer stress test came in the form of mountains of dirty dishes. A few years ago, I was away for about ten days. When I returned, I found my husband happily playing bridge on line and our kitchen counter covered with just about every dish and utensil that we owned. It looked like he had cooked plenty but took a long vacation from cleaning up, despite knowing very well that I'm a neatnik in the kitchen! Fortunately, I was researching how to be a Neutral Loving Observer. I felt mildly shocked when I first observed the piles of dirty dishes. But I simply looked on neutrally without getting upset. I almost felt like I was watching the whole show from a point a few inches above my own head. I found a clean glass and got my water. As I walked through the living room again, I said, "Hmmmm. The mess in the kitchen is obviously not mine." Then I went upstairs to unpack. Compared to what I might have said, this was quite neutral! A year earlier, I would probably have felt royally ticked off, and would have criticized him, or else I would have been simmering with resentment that he "saved" the dirty dishes for me to do. Happily, as the Neutral Loving Observer, I continued to "hold" inwardly in my neutral safe observation mode. After a few minutes, my husband came upstairs, apologized for the mess and said he would clean it up. Apology accepted, I didn't get involved in criticizing him and I didn't offer to help clean up. I simply suggested that it would be a good night for Chinese takeout. (It was easy to suggest this win-win solution because I was still calm and in a good mood.) He promptly offered to order it. By the time our din When you observe with loving intention as well, you create a safe space for win-win solutions to emerge. My Neutral Loving Observer stress test came in the form of mountains of dirty dishes. A few years ago, I was away for about ten days. When I returned, I found my husband happily playing bridge on line and our kitchen counter covered with just about every dish and utensil that we owned. It looked like he had cooked plenty but took a long vacation from cleaning up, despite knowing very well that I'm a neatnik in the kitchen! Fortunately, I was researching how to be a Neutral Loving Observer. I felt mildly shocked when I first observed the piles of dirty dishes. But I simply looked on neutrally without getting upset. I almost felt like I was watching the whole show from a point a few inches above my own head. I found a clean glass and got my water. As I walked through the living room again, I said, "Hmmmm. The mess in the kitchen is obviously not mine." Then I went upstairs to unpack. Compared to what I might have said, this was quite neutral! A year earlier, I would probably have felt royally ticked off, and would have criticized him, or else I would have been simmering with resentment that he "saved" the dirty dishes for me to do. Happily, as the Neutral Loving Observer, I continued to "hold" inwardly in my neutral safe observation mode. After a few minutes, my husband came upstairs, apologized for the mess and said he would clean it up. Apology accepted, I didn't get involved in criticizing him and I didn't offer to help clean up. I simply suggested that it would be a good night for Chinese takeout. (It was easy to suggest this win-win solution because I was still calm and in a good mood.) He promptly offered to order it. By the time our din Fortunately, I was researching how to be a Neutral Loving Observer. I felt mildly shocked when I first observed the piles of dirty dishes. But I simply looked on neutrally without getting upset. I almost felt like I was watching the whole show from a point a few inches above my own head. I found a clean glass and got my water. As I walked through the living room again, I said, "Hmmmm. The mess in the kitchen is obviously not mine." Then I went upstairs to unpack. Compared to what I might have said, this was quite neutral! A year earlier, I would probably have felt royally ticked off, and would have criticized him, or else I would have been simmering with resentment that he "saved" the dirty dishes for me to do. Happily, as the Neutral Loving Observer, I continued to "hold" inwardly in my neutral safe observation mode. After a few minutes, my husband came upstairs, apologized for the mess and said he would clean it up. Apology accepted, I didn't get involved in criticizing him and I didn't offer to help clean up. I simply suggested that it would be a good night for Chinese takeout. (It was easy to suggest this win-win solution because I was still calm and in a good mood.) He promptly offered to order it. By the time our din Compared to what I might have said, this was quite neutral! A year earlier, I would probably have felt royally ticked off, and would have criticized him, or else I would have been simmering with resentment that he "saved" the dirty dishes for me to do. Happily, as the Neutral Loving Observer, I continued to "hold" inwardly in my neutral safe observation mode. After a few minutes, my husband came upstairs, apologized for the mess and said he would clean it up. Apology accepted, I didn't get involved in criticizing him and I didn't offer to help clean up. I simply suggested that it would be a good night for Chinese takeout. (It was easy to suggest this win-win solution because I was still calm and in a good mood.) He promptly offered to order it. By the time our din Apology accepted, I didn't get involved in criticizing him and I didn't offer to help clean up. I simply suggested that it would be a good night for Chinese takeout. (It was easy to suggest this win-win solution because I was still calm and in a good mood.) He promptly offered to order it. By the time our dinner arrived, we were laughing about his strategy for "batching it." I stayed out of the kitchen for the rest of the evening. The next day I came home rather late from work to find him shining the bottoms of pots and pans, diligently finishing his clean up chores. Because I stayed neutral and loving, I had allowed him to handle his mess in his own timing. Looking back on this incident, I can see how my getting a bit of altitude, or a higher perspective, as if seeing from my higher self, allowed me to remain a Neutral Loving Observer. I saw an opportunity to learn by responding in a new way, lovingly allowing my husband to handle his own mess. I found a hidden benefit -- ordering out rather than my trying to cook right after flying home. And we achieved a win-win solution rather gracefully, with laughter instead of criticism and tears. We totally bypassed a potentially heated argument. And I've never since come home to a messy kitchen! To me, this is an excellent example of how stepping into the perspective of the Neutral Loving Observer can help you reduce stress and maintain your inner peace. I talk more about this in a companion article on this site, Stress Management For Inner Peace-Three Choices For Loving Observation And Peace Of Mind.
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