lf- hearted work, absenteeism, health issues, even undermining each other. Relationships are strained and artificial or contentious. The loss to me personally is something I rarely consider – lack of support, lack of intimacy, lack of integrity.

Is it that we don’t value each other enough to be attentive for just a minute, don’t’ realize the impact, or is it that we just don’t know ho

Clueless in Conversation-ville?

Are you really "with" people when you’re with them? Are you really hearing, seeing, feeling, sensing, breathing them in? Or are you often bored, distracted, rushed, or wishing you were somewhere else? Do you jump ahead in the conversation, saying what you know they meant to say or strategize “fixes” for their concerns before they have hardly left their lips? Do you find yourself sizing up their clothing choice, or facial quirks, or figit with your pen or take in the activity in the room while they are speaking? No matter who I am with, I am often dreamily lost in thought: "if only they…speak up, shut up, be quick, be reasonable, or be honest. I spend a lot of time “wishing” who I think the other person ought to be and what I want them to say – or not, and only a small part of my brain or heart is really with them in the now. Sure, we’ve all been accused of not being “with it” as they say; but often it has become a very bad habit. Our lack of presence speaks volumes.

Is Your “Half-Heartedness” Showing?

When a person is getting only a portion of our attention, it sends a clear message that they don’t matter terribly much. As a result, relationships subtly suffer and so does productivity. Sure, we can “get by with it”, we all do it. And But what price are we paying to have half of our consciousness half way around the world ? A lot of misinformation and misinterpretation takes place. People are confused, hurt, and angry, lost. They feel insignificant. They tend toward uncooperativeness, half- hearted work, absenteeism, health issues, even undermining each other. Relationships are strained and artificial or contentious. The loss to me personally is something I rarely consider – lack of support, lack of intimacy, lack of integrity.

Is it that we don’t value each other enough to be attentive for just a minute, don’t’ realize the impact, or is it that we just don’t know how

ir lips? Do you find yourself sizing up their clothing choice, or facial quirks, or figit with your pen or take in the activity in the room while they are speaking? No matter who I am with, I am often dreamily lost in thought: "if only they…speak up, shut up, be quick, be reasonable, or be honest. I spend a lot of time “wishing” who I think the other person ought to be and what I want them to say – or not, and only a small part of my brain or heart is really with them in the now. Sure, we’ve all been accused of not being “with it” as they say; but often it has become a very bad habit. Our lack of presence speaks volumes.

Is Your “Half-Heartedness” Showing?

When a person is getting only a portion of our attention, it sends a clear message that they don’t matter terribly much. As a result, relationships subtly suffer and so does productivity. Sure, we can “get by with it”, we all do it. And But what price are we paying to have half of our consciousness half way around the world ? A lot of misinformation and misinterpretation takes place. People are confused, hurt, and angry, lost. They feel insignificant. They tend toward uncooperativeness, half- hearted work, absenteeism, health issues, even undermining each other. Relationships are strained and artificial or contentious. The loss to me personally is something I rarely consider – lack of support, lack of intimacy, lack of integrity.

Is it that we don’t value each other enough to be attentive for just a minute, don’t’ realize the impact, or is it that we just don’t know ho

hem to say – or not, and only a small part of my brain or heart is really with them in the now. Sure, we’ve all been accused of not being “with it” as they say; but often it has become a very bad habit. Our lack of presence speaks volumes.

Is Your “Half-Heartedness” Showing?

When a person is getting only a portion of our attention, it sends a clear message that they don’t matter terribly much. As a result, relationships subtly suffer and so does productivity. Sure, we can “get by with it”, we all do it. And But what price are we paying to have half of our consciousness half way around the world ? A lot of misinformation and misinterpretation takes place. People are confused, hurt, and angry, lost. They feel insignificant. They tend toward uncooperativeness, half- hearted work, absenteeism, health issues, even undermining each other. Relationships are strained and artificial or contentious. The loss to me personally is something I rarely consider – lack of support, lack of intimacy, lack of integrity.

Is it that we don’t value each other enough to be attentive for just a minute, don’t’ realize the impact, or is it that we just don’t know ho

terribly much. As a result, relationships subtly suffer and so does productivity. Sure, we can “get by with it”, we all do it. And But what price are we paying to have half of our consciousness half way around the world ? A lot of misinformation and misinterpretation takes place. People are confused, hurt, and angry, lost. They feel insignificant. They tend toward uncooperativeness, half- hearted work, absenteeism, health issues, even undermining each other. Relationships are strained and artificial or contentious. The loss to me personally is something I rarely consider – lack of support, lack of intimacy, lack of integrity.

Is it that we don’t value each other enough to be attentive for just a minute, don’t’ realize the impact, or is it that we just don’t know ho

lf- hearted work, absenteeism, health issues, even undermining each other. Relationships are strained and artificial or contentious. The loss to me personally is something I rarely consider – lack of support, lack of intimacy, lack of integrity.

Is it that we don’t value each other enough to be attentive for just a minute, don’t’ realize the impact, or is it that we just don’t know how?

Practice the Presence

In his 1999 book Practicing the Presence of People. Mike Mason on the contrary, encourages the reader to learn how to be present in-- and to-- the "presence" of other people. This involves being willing to see others as they are, for who they are, and be OK with that. Essentially, to practice the presence of others means paying full and close attention to the people you are with. The surprising thing is how rewarding and freeing it can be – on both sides.

When we are able to be present, we are warmly focused. We find ourselves enjoying the other’s company, fascinated by their uniqueness, intrigued by their mystery, and at the very least -- or best -- at peace with them. Practicing the presence of people is an awareness, yes, but most of all, it is a choice and finally, an art. As with any art or creative expression, the basis for great results is practice, practice, practice!

Love the One You're With

To be “with” someone or present to someone is a choice, but it is a dedicated choice some might call a commitment. Could it be, that giving someone our full attention is the essence of real love? Attentiveness is a listening with the heart and soul. It is not something you give on occasion, it is a consistent way of being with other people through thick and thin. There are steps to be learned, difficulties to be overcome, insights to be implemented, benefits to be enjoyed. All of this involves devotion and persistence. Mason compares the experience of being present to other people to a